He's Got Me Where He Wants Me...

Right now I am in a place of total and complete contentment. I don't have that un-necessary stress that accompanies having a crush on someone, or that empty, disappointed feeling when he's not around.

In the past (okay, recent past) I've found myself not really paying attention to my friends, or enjoying myself because that certain guy wasn't there. How selfish am I?! That's insane! It's not like any thing's official, it's just a crush, and (as I've learned in the past) he probably doesn't even like me like that, nothing even close to it! After times like that I feel so bad, so selfish, and stupid. I've seen (and been told) that when I'm like that, my friends notice, and aren't too thrilled about it. It's then that I think, if I hurt my friends when I only give them half of my attention because the other half is consumed with thoughts of me being disappointed because so and so's not here; then how much more am I hurting God when I only give Him half of my time and energy because the other half is being used in other (much less valuable) ways.

God wants all of me, not some, not half...all. This time of singleness isn't to be used scoping out the next possible boyfriend or a future husband. It's for me to be used by God to my fullest. All my time, energy, and love is to be given to Him, freely, and happily. This is something that I am slowly, and at times, painfully, learning. There will be times when a tall, handsome, blue eyed stranger comes into my life, and the next thing I know, he's constantly on my mind, I really look forward to the next time I get to see him, then all of the sudden, it ends. He's gone, and I'm back where I started; but the one thing that I can find peace in is, God has been there all along. He's knew I was gonna fall for this guy, He knew that it wasn't going to end the way I wanted, and for that I'm thankful.

God wants me all to Himself right now, to do His work, and bring Him glory. When He sees that I am ready for that special someone, He'll bring him to me. There has been countless time I've tried to do it myself, and every time it's ended in failure. I don't have to do the work, He'll do it for me, and I am so excited about that fact.