...one of my least favorite words. It's strange to think of myself as lonely. I have a loving family, amazing friends, and a God who treasures me more than my earthly companions. But still, I feel lonely.
It's like I have this aching, emptiness inside of me. One that can't seemed to be filled. There's been times it's been falsely filled, then emptied, and made bigger. I've been numb to it, I've fallen deep into it's dark recesses, and tried to overcome it. I don't really notice it's there, until someone comes along and slowly starts to fill it up. It starts to get smaller, then slowly fade away. I find myself happy, and ready for what ever comes my way, until...that person leaves. Like a slap in the face, he leaves, and again the cavern is made larger. Now, I am lying on its cold, hard ground, wondering if I have the strength to climb back out.
This isn't how life should be lived. Especially not the life of a Christian. Maybe this great, lonely void inside me can't be filled, well at least not yet. Maybe God is using this hurt, this kicked to the curb feeling, as a reminder. He's reminding me, that I cannot love, or be loved, until I truly know what Love is. He is reminding me that HE is Love, and He is the only one that can fill that love shaped hole in my heart.